WARNING · -- · this · will · not · make · sense!

So the smoke detectors have been going off all day throughout the whole building. Kind of a pain in the ass... They're FUCKING LOUD. GAH.
I was supposed to do school work this weekend, but didn't. Instead, I've been making a new website. [which is what the graphic below is from] So, I've pretty much been staring at my computer for a day straight. Yay.
I have a cold chicken burger in the fridge that I want to eat, but I feel really sick.
Oh, my parents muchly liked their birthday present! I'm happy.
I'm going home on Thursday and I'm going to visit school... So if anyone wants to see me, let me know.

*sigh*
<3
M

Phil was here since Friday morning :) He just left.
We went and bought my parents their [joint] birthday present... After running around Peterborough for so effing long being lost, we ended up at Canadian Tire and we bought a really pretty stone bench that they can put beside the pond. I hope they like it.
Apparently we now have 14 fish. That's as many fish as I have cats!
[Yes, I am the crazy cat lady. So what? =P]
Mmmm.... day old souvlaki pita.... yummy. I also have rice hiding somewhere in my fridgidaire.
Damn it, I eat so much when Phil is here! Gr.
Eeeew... I just dropped a mayo-covered black olive on my computer... Eeeewwwwwwwwie.
I have to empty my garbage again. Gah.
Do do do do... What shall I do... So bored, so bored.
I still have to do dishes in the bathroom sink, too. *sigh*
Blearg. I'm going to write or something. I need to do something productive-ish.

<3
M

If I ask again,
just one more time.
If I wish again,
on every star.
If I close my eyes,
and feel your touch.
When I open them,
Will you be here?
[I like that one... every other line has the same # of syllables. I feel creative.]

I shudder to think
of a life without you.
The cold, lonely emptiness
would destroy me.
All I am,
All I see,
All I do,
You,
You make it possible.
But now, you are
no longer beside me.
Hearing your voice
tells me you are not gone,
but why can't I touch
what has always been real before?
An abstract voice,
disembodied,
is all I have of you.
And so, my love,
I ask,
to be together once again,
will you
let me take my life?
[This one originally had a different ending. I really didn't like it so I changed it while transcribing it.]

No more, I say. No more.
The bitter cold gnaws at my bones,
through the shift that barely covers.
Cruel wind whips my hair
across my face. It stings.
I look down. I see the water;
It rushes at the rocky shore
with an urgency I do not understand.
In love? A woman torn
from her lover's arms,
returning to him at last,
after an eternity apart?
Or in hate? A woman's furied wrath,
wreaked upon an absent partner?
Only she knows, she alone.
I think. I realize that I,
I am like the sea. I am on the edge.
What I am about to do,
is it in love? Ending an eternity apart?
Or in hate? Vengeance, unleashed upon
the only one who remains? Only I,
I remain. But no more, I say.
No more. And with an unabashed poise,
I step forward to meet the sea.
[I started this in my head on the way to Law class today and finished it just now. It's actually one of my favourites ever. Different in style from most things I write, but good different.]

K, so, I didn't make the team. *shrug* I guess I didn't really want to, anyway. I hate hunters. And most of these people are elitist A Circuit people. So I guess it's a good thing. I'll still be taking lessons if they can ever figure out the effing schedule. And I'll be riding so I guess it's ok.
Why do I get the feeling I'm going to hate this? I hate the coaches, I hate the barn, the school horses are meh, a lot of the other people seem like hunter snobs with sticks up their asses... Maybe that's why.

I want my horse *cries* And I want my Phil.

I'm so bored. So bored, so bored, lalalala...
I'm bored.
I had chicken nuggets and fries for lunch.
So I went to get breakfast this morning, and I was thinking, I really don't want to go to fucking math... So I didn't. The classroom on Wdnesdays is so far away it's just so effing pointless. It takes me almost half an hour to get to this place for a 50 minute lecture, then half an hour to get back here. So I think I'm going to not be going to very many Wednesday math lectures. *shrug* I went to Chem tutorial though.
FUCK, just loking through Google News... reading about Alicia Ross. Turns out her neighbour abducted and killed her. That's so sad. And fucking twisted. This is why I'm going to become a Forensic Scientist; So sick fucks who kill innocent people get what they deserve.

I'm too bored to sit still... I'm going to fight with Phil's guitar a bit more and try to tune the fucker properly.

<3
M

Ok, I feel a lot better today. I woke up this morning almost happy. [As happy as you can be at 7AM after minimal sleeping lol]
I talked to Wade last night, which made me feel A LOT better. Hopefully he felt better too, because I don't like to see people I care about sad.
And Phil called me at 5AM and we talked for a bit, and that made me feel even more better [...grammar...] because the last thing I remember thinking before I went to sleep was 'I wish I could talk to Phil'. So it was weird.
I established what I am feeling. It's not really depression... it's more of *dispair*. I feel like I have no control over anything anymore and sometimes I feel like there's no one to help me through it. It just comes at random times, so sorry for the outburst last night :)

I'm possibly going to visit next weekend [the 30th, I think?] so I can see some people that I've been missing. When I know more I will let everyone know.

Shit, Chem starts in 5 min :S Must fly.

<3
M

I still can't sleep... Even crying myself to sleep doesn't work anymore.
I don't know why I feel like this all of a sudden.
I've been crying so hard it fucking HURTS and I can't stop. Why can't I stop?
I just wish I could talk to someone...
I feel so alone... all the time.
I'm already skipping my classes. I'm just going to fail again, like everything else I've ever done.
And I miss the most random people. But no one misses me.
I've never felt so alone. I just want to... I don't even know.
I don't know what to do anymore.
Someone help me... before something happens to me and I can't get back.
goddammit. it hurts. so bad.

Hmm...
Trent tap water is vaguely remeniscent of lake water... Which leads me to ponder the question, "Is there really municipal water here, or are they simply pumping the river directly to our bathrooms?". Which in turn, leads me to ponder the question, "What of the sewage plant upstream?".

Yesterday in the Port Parry Wendy's, I happened to notice that one of the servers had the exact tattoo that I'm going to be getting. Slightly [a lot] bigger than I wanted, and on his forearm, but I was still freaked out. Creepy coincidence?

You know what word is really amusing me right now? "SNOOD". It makes me happy. Now I just need to figure out what classroom my math class is in this week [hopefully before it changes again] and I'll be set!
And I need the temperature so I can start my Forensic Science Investigation notebook.
Heh. It's 8:00, and I can hear a multitude of alarm clocks going off all over the building. Mine rings at 7.

I'm off, the Chemistry calls...

<3
M

So:
*phone rings, I answer, expecting Phi*
Me: Hello?
Guy: Is this room F44?
Me: Yes...
Guy: Cool, my girlfriend stayed in this room last year!
Me: O..k?
Guy: So how are things at Trent? Are you enjoying yourself?
Me: Um, yeah, I guess.
Guy: Here, talk to the person who lived in your room last year.
Girl: Heeeeyyy, we're really drunk right now so we decided to call you because someone did it to me last year, except he kept calling and it was weird. But we won't do that to you. We promise.
Me: K, cuz that would be weird.
Girl: So how was ISW? Do they still wake you up by banging on pots?
Me: Yes.
Girl: So did you have fun doing the morning challenges?
Me: No, I told them to fuck off and went back to sleep.
Girl: Hey, you're cool! I like you!

****POWER GOES OUT IN MY ROOM****
Only in my room, and the one room beside me.

So now I'm back, after me and Josh went on a hunt for a don to turn out power back on.

Weird.

<3
M

&gt;--;>

That's a fish, in case you were wondering. His name is Clive. Clive the fish. I <3 Clive the fish. And I know all of you do, too.

...

Clive has some things to say. He wants to say he is very bored. And that he wants to go to sleep, but if he goes to sleep crazy people will sneak up on him in the dark and eat him. And because Clive is a fish, that is a very real and legitimate worry. So he stays awake. And just swims around a little bit every now and then. Sometimes he turns around. <;--< Like that.
But usually he faces this way >--;> because it's his better side.
Clive also doesn't get along with other fish very well. They all ignore him and take his fod away. And sometimes they say mean things to Clive that make him cry. So usually he floats alone under his little rock that looks like this (?) [it has some seaweed growing on it, and a barnacle] and he just thinks about how lonely and bored he is. And how no one loves him. It's a very sad existance that Clive lives. I feel very bad for him and wish I could help him, but I can't, because he lives under water and I live over water.
No one else feels bad for Clive. They all want to see him rot in hell. Because none of the other fish like Clive.

Sometimes, Clive leaves his rock, and swims around and does some flips and pretends to be happy, so none of the other fish know how sad he is. And sometimes he even goes out and mingles with the other fish. But deep down, he knows that none of them like him, and that he's always going to have to go back under his rock at the end of the day.

Poor Clive.

...
I had a really weird dream last night that I was a cheerleader. But they made me do routines that they had never tought me, but I still did them.

♥
M

My chem prof is a funny german man.
My law prof used a diagram only because he liked the name of the guy who made it... Barry Slutsky.
...
So; now I have enough money to buy my car... but it's not my money. So I can't. And it makes me maaadd. But I only need about $700 more... Anyone have any spare money lying around? Damn.

I *think* that last night while I was sleeping, someone came into my room :S Um, I might have been dreaming, but I don't know. And since I was kind of unclothed... That's kind of bad? I can't remember. >_<
[:EDIT:] I remember Phil saying 'Um, some random lady just came in and saw your breast". !??!?!
I'm extremely creeped out now.

I really need a massage. Like, bad. I'm so sore, and I have to ride tomorrow at the tryouts thing. Ow. Last night I had this really freaky weird stomach pain that was like being disemboweled from the lower left part of my stomach... It hurt like a MOTHERFUCKER. I thought I was going to die. And now, my left arm really hurts.

I need food but I'm a lazy fucker and I don't want to go all the way to the Great Hall to buy stuff :P

<3
M

It's the second day of classes and I'm already skipping a lecture. I told math to fuck itself.
I fell asleep at at 1AM, and my phone rang at 4, so I talked on the phone until 6... I was not planning to get up at 7 to make it to Wenjack at 9. But my mother called me at quarter to, so now I'm up. Blah. I'm going to try and go back to sleep, but I know I'm going to fail.

<3
M

I am so tired.
I found out that the internet lie and we don't dissect people. Sad.
I want to hug Phil.
I need to buy a toothbrish tomorrow.
Classes were pretty kick ass today, especially forensics.
But math. Tomorrow. at 9AM. Joy.
Tryouts are Friday morning... I'm excited/nervous... I haven't ridden a horse in a few months since Nappy went lame :S
But all my riding stuff is in a pile beside my bed, and it's slightly comforting.
I haven't ridden hunt seat in like 5 years!! Aaaaahhhhhhhh!!
>_<
But I think it will be fun. Even if I am taking lessons with John Jamieson. >_< .ew.
*bounce* I am so tired...
Bed...?

<3
M

So I finally got my internet working properly! W00t w00t! I had it through the broadband thing which was great for a while, but then crashed and burned and refused to let me sign in. Sooo I called Bell tech Support and it took like 2 seconds to fix what was wrong. Whee. And now its even faster than it was before ;)
I went to 2 classes already today, and I have 2 more tonight... I have to leave in like 10 min for my Anatomy and Physiology class... I found out [and this makes me SO happy] that we will actually be *dissecting cadavers in the cadaver lab* this year. w00t!!!!!!! DISSECTING DEAD PEOPLE IN FIRST YEAR KICKS MAJOR ASS!
My math prof barely speaks english :S I can't undertand a word he says. But I hope the class is easy enough that I don't have to. lol.
Chem should be cool too, and I can't wait for my Forensics classes to start because they shold be quite awesome.
I had a souvlaki poita today for lunch and it was uber yummy.
Everyone wish Phil goo luck at his job interview today!!!

Ow. My toe is bleeding.
And the showers here kind of scare me >_<
But they are not as bad as I feared they would be. And we have a bath tub. Which is kind of gross, since it's communal, and I will *never ever* take a bath in it, but still it's cool that it's there. Yep.

I'm going to go... Find my text books and such. I'm done today at 7pm... Kind of sucks. But, I have Fridays off. So I won't complain. =P
AND, on Monday, all my classes are in the same building so in winter I won't have to trek through Canada's frigid north to get to class! w00t.

REMINDER TO SELF:
CHEK WEB CT TONIGHT TO FIND MATH CLASS TIMES/ROOM NUMBER
PRINT OFF SYLLABUSES/LECTURE NOTES/ETC

Must fly,
<3
M

I'm going to see Phil in like 4 hours! *dance*
I bought a LAB COAT today. A real LAB COAT. ???? WHY? I needed one. =)
I also bought chocolate covered almonds and swedish berries.
And I threw away the old pasta, AND, I emptied my garbage cans. I am SO PRO.
My room is already a FUCKIN MESS though. *shrug*
...I'm going to take a picture of myself wearing the lab coat.
Heh heh heh thats hilarious.

( ... )

Weeeee I'm bored. But I have a LAB COAT. =D
Hmm... I should pack/dress. Meh.